Pivoting Realities

Years ago, I was invited to officiate at the wedding of an MD, Dr. John Ryan. The spiritual connection I experienced with him and his partner was immediate. Dr. John had written and self-published a book, The Missing Pill, which he gifted me with. No longer in print, the book has been re-printed by a publisher, revised, and also translated into French; the book is now called, Unity Field Healing, Volume One. John began offering these energy medicine programs a few years ago. While two of my clients attended them, it was never the ‘right’ time for me. This past weekend it was.

I have known ‘things’ most of my life. If I had the language to speak it, so often I was reticent to express it. And, as often as I knew that reticence as a truth, it was as if I was being ’saved’ from expression when I had no language for what I have so deeply known.

Lately, I have been remembering that I have always had this enormous capacity for magic that I had only allowed myself to know, quietly, inside where I live…. and only by degrees, context driven. Somehow, in the recognition of my own collapse into the insulation and isolation of which I spoke about in my most recent blog post (The Blue Vinyl Purse….), I have found myself inside the allowance of a new awakening. I have spent hours looking at some deeply esoteric ceremony that I used to revel in, inside my own mind. As well, the energy of the 2020 pandemic (not good, bad, right, or wrong) has asked me to reconsider my own beliefs about magic… and, as such, has become the powerful invitation to me to step into the magic I have always been pregnant with, yet, in my own fear of expected and external scrutiny, sought to abort.

It has been a process. This weekend was the perfect time to step into the experience with Dr. John Ryan. Like, I intuitively knew that my close friend and mentor, Louise LeBrun could and would show me a deeply esoteric, internal and unapologetic way to live when I was going through what seemed like a never ending dark night of the soul, so many years ago, and, so, I said, ‘YES!’, I knew that John’s presence at this time was my invitation to further embrace my capacity to live in the field of unknowns and to trust all of the sensory cues my body is the natural tuning fork for. At a most practical level, I wanted to experience the dissolution of all my perceived ‘walls’ that were showing up as my own limitations to creating on screen with technology; I wanted to embrace the fully tactile experience of working on screen with a physical body when that physiological device was not physically under my hands; I wanted to remember the power I have as a fully participating surrogate for possibility, the observer effecting the observed, no longer in collusion with fear as a move-away from my own reverence of the Sacred and the Self; I wanted to experience a deeply resonant collaboration in a field of possibility with others I had yet to meet - all unknowns - as undeniable aspects of my consciousness contributing to my evolution of Self and my emerging future - from the other side of the world.

So, I chose to let go of everything I held as true and everything I held as untrue… everything inside and outside of my conscious awareness. I let it ALL be OK. I let myself become the willing recipient of it ALL. I was pregnant with it ALL. I expected it ALL. And, so, I created my own evidence for the miracle of it ALL… ALL of it contributing to the magic that I AM. Evidence created not as proof; evidence created simply as the prayer, ‘And, so it IS’. The entire weekend was devoted to being, honouring and reclaiming the space of my magnificence - i.e. the sanctuary that I AM, that each one of us is.

Bottom line: I am now more willing and ready to conceive and be in the process of gestation for, yet again, the great abundance that is my life. It won’t be an encore performance, nor could it ever be. The orgasm that is my life is unique to the moment I AM in. It is always, in all ways, my choice. But, first, it is essential that I choose to remember that I AM godForce and that I have the inalienable birthright to choose… which also means that I get to change my mind.

Everything that I have drawn toward me over the course of my life - and especially in the last 30 years - has brought me to this moment of deep honouring of the Sacred within.

It seems such a paradox to me to now know even more freedom inside, where I live, as the world outside of me distracts itself away from the only true knowing that honours life: Each of us is godForce. That we choose to believe it or not is an inalienable right of decision for each of us. I know that I become what I choose to believe. And, this belief, for me, is a no-brainer. It continues to bring me life as I die with each exhale of my living into a new inhale of my experience… breath to breath, moment to moment. It is both my honour and my salvation to live this way. It has meant choosing, in every breath I take, to become responsible for my own energy, my own expression, and my own contribution to my own personal world and the world at large.

So, as we speak about pivoting our realities into living inside a new dimension with others, we are being asked by an all knowing field of intelligence to remember that our genuine capacity to deeply ’touch’ others is what nourishes life, always dying to a new reality in every breath. Subscribing to living as an intellectual science that theorizes that we are all connected, as the story of possibility in the absence of fully inhaling and owning the veracity of personal experience - warts and all - is tantamount to living a half-life of decay. Decay is the result of our choosing to not own our innate energy… and our responsibility…. to create.

So my question to myself is this: Am I willing to feel my Self as the field of bliss that I AM, as the ancient space that awakens the sacred that I AM, as the universal ’touch’ that I AM, that you might KNOW that you can choose to awaken to the miracle that you ARE, too… and no longer fear to live that truth? Will I make that choice for myself in my every inhale and exhale? Will I choose that for myself in full expectancy of my Self, that you might let yourself KNOW whom you can become, pregnant with your Self, too?

This IS me, manifesting my meaningful life. This is what my personal journey continues to become (from my most recent blog): The great adventure of my life is to organically ride the wave of my breathing in the intention to decode it all. THIS IS the touch I AM in my world. THIS is why I LIVE the breath of space, movement and flow that I AM.

So, I look forward to revealing and revelling in the new, yet ancient space that is my own veritable touch in the world. I can feel life in the ether that I AM. And, whom I will become through my ‘hands-on’ invitation to others to realize their own healing - all in the physical absence of an actual body under my hands - will transcend imagination. I had the profound experience of just that, this past weekend. I allowed myself to know physical touch in the ether. I AM the only one who could finally ‘let go’ of whatever obedience/allegiance I had been clinging to as an externally referenced safety net and BE OK with it ALL.

I write my living with deep gratitude for life and for whom we each can become if/when/as we choose to awaken to reclaiming the godForce each of us uniquely is. It IS an individual choice. It is the palpable ‘touch’ we can feel and BE in our worlds. It is what we can tune into with new ears. It is what we can envisage and see with new eyes. Truly, it is the internal freedom we can live, even when the external world is living a lie called, ‘lock-down’.

My heart is opening further, everyday. In its field of sacred and intuitive genius, I revere a touch once only known to me in its physical expression, as now ALL knowing in its infinite consciousness. Beyond that, in this moment, I have no words to further illuminate what ALL of this so deeply means to me. It IS my invitation to let go and let god, again and again and again.

Breathing IS good!

Thanks for reading.

Sheila