Suffering: Self-Hypnosis to the Familiar
‘Once the purpose of the suffering is complete, the healing is instantaneous’. I heard this statement in a video rendering of one of my past NLP and Huna teachers. In turn, he had heard it on a television fiction series he had been watching, finding it compelling enough to jot it down. Hearing that statement caught my attention.
I know that any suffering I experience does not lie in the facts. Where suffering has traction is in my perception of the facts. While I get that experiencing pain is essential to the process of living my life, I also get that to suffer is a choice. Right out of the gate, please accept my sincere apology if this statement annoys you – allow me to explain.
Recently, I found myself in a conversation with a dear friend about how one defines healing. In another WEL-Systems®-based conversation with another group of women back in 2009, I determined for myself that healing meant continuing evolution of self.
In this more recent conversation, my friend defined healing for herself as ‘revealing my truth’ in safety (I am paraphrasing her words here). What immediately showed up for me is that the underpinning for any self-revelation of personal truth is one’s willingness to stand grounded and alone in it. Intellectually, it figures that her definition is a no-brainer. Viscerally, however, that can feel as scary as hell.
So often, our conditioned default is to disassociate, deny, avoid and ignore the internal truth we carry so that we can fit into whatever situation we find ourselves in. That truth includes the sensations we are experiencing in our body, how we are feeling (our emotional state), and the truth about what we really want. Note that when we physically hurt, it’s worth considering that we might be experiencing emotional resistance to something we don’t want, yet feel compelled to engage. Because we betray ourselves, again and again to that resistance (call it our default mode), illness finally catches up with us, out of alignment with our potential to feel really well.
Here is what I know works. Unclenching the Jaw. Softening the body. Breathing. Inhaling and exhaling. Saying Yes when you really want to say Yes. Saying No when you really want to say No.
It takes courage. It means no longer sleeping - literally and metaphorically - to hide away from your victim state, if that is where you are. It means choosing to get out of bed, plant both feet on the floor, take one small step towards the direction you want, even if that feels so humongous as to seem insurmountable to you. That is what it takes.
I have learned that my problems were rarely about a dearth of resources; indeed, I had more than I ever let myself know. My problems had to do, instead, with how resourceful I held myself to be. And, that depended upon my willingness to choose, to act in the presence of uncertainty.
There is a big difference between knowing what we must do and actually doing it. Knowing what I must do without taking action will keep me victim to my own perceived limitations. I know that to be a recipe for continued suffering…. a form of self-hypnosis to what has become familiar. Is that what we really want?
In contrast, acting with certainty inside my own uncertainty will move me forward. And it IS movement that I want; it opens space for even more choice, more momentum and flow. It cultivates resourcefulness and resilience, leading to an end of suffering (victimization.) Healing is instantaneous.
I can only imagine that the suggestion to unclench the jaw, soften the body and consciously breathe must sound too simplistic. If breathing is what keeps us alive, then inhaling and exhaling with intention can be considered an inborn solution toward wellbeing. Its essential to healing. That we ‘suffer’ is because we have been so heavily conditioned/programmed, generation to generation, to hold our breath. We have learned to resist the space, movement and flow that our lives can offer up as a joyful state of being. It will continue unless we consciously choose to STOP it.
We are not victims. We are designers in our own right; we have designed ourselves to choose.
Choice. ‘Once the suffering is complete, the healing is instantaneous’.