What is the intelligence of being broke all the time?
As I have shared, here, before, sometimes my email responses find themselves re-intended as a blog posting so that others may have the benefit of perspectives which may not have occurred as a possibility, yet hold deep resonance in the reading of them.
The title above, is the question which surfaced twice in an email to me this morning. It is useful to consider, that even the things we consider as unintelligent still carry the genius of purpose… to keep us feeling safe inside, where we live. So, I believe that the title question above will resonate with many; as such, here is my response to the email, sans reference to the writer:
Thank you for your email and your thoughts. Since your question has surfaced twice in your email, let’s start the conversation with that.
The presupposition in your question is that (you) ‘being broke all the time’ is a truth. It may not actually be a truth; however, it is structuring your current reality. It is useful to remember that reality is a very personal construct and, as such, is maleable.
A pre-supposition is something (so often an unconscious assumption - in you, by you, for you) that has to be true for you in order for a statement or a question - like the one elicited above - to make sense. Ultimately, the assumption (the belief, the ‘rule’) continues to sustain the creation of a reality I hear you saying you do not want. It is really crazy making stuff. The feelings of frustration and despair through repetition of that ’truth' become visceral, palpable; you don’t like how you are feeling and don’t know what to do about it… or, maybe, truth be told, you are unsure if you even want to do anything about it. Every attempt to change how you feel about it ends up either in failure (repeat of same old, same old) or freeze. It’s like having one foot on the brake and one foot on the accelerator. Spinning wheels, no movement. AND, it is exhausting and demoralizing, to say the least.
These are deeply unconscious first, second and third chakra expressions at play here, cultivating a sense of futility and despair as by-products of the absence of internal safety, rooted inside, where you live. There really is a more powerful way to live… intentionally with enthusiasm and joy. So, letting yourself relax into that possibility, owned, here are three questions you might ask yourself:
Where did you learn your reality of ‘being broke all the time’?
Every time, you move to act on your behalf to transcend that reality, what is the cardinal ‘family’ rule you have to break? This ‘rule’ will be the one that nobody talks about, yet everybody agrees to - a family secret - ensuring compliance so that nobody gets shunned or left behind. For example, it could be something like, ‘Don’t show us up’. Meanwhile, you are tip-toeing around on egg shells to keep the peace, so you can ‘fit in’. And, while the adult you is no longer living at home with the family, that ‘rule' is still playing out in other areas of your life - work, relationships, etc.
What would happen if your new ‘rule’ already IS that you are enough? Forget this iteration as a tired and worn out platitude - a smear job to help you feel better. Instead, will you let it become a cherished attitude in you? What will it take for you to change your mind and really grok it in the cells of your being, your body, as an inalienable truth? If you really are enough, can you really ever engage in ‘being broken’?
Your statement that you ended up not applying for the job that was double your salary evoked the following questions in me:
Do I deserve it?
Can I deserve it?
Will I deserve it?
Will I let myself deserve it?
What will happen if I let myself deserve it?
Is is safe for me, if I let myself deserve it?
Is it safe for others, if I let myself deserve it?
If ‘deserving’ and ‘being enough’ mean, for you, that you will no longer ‘fit in’ with the familiar family dynamic, are you willing to own that and let it go? Yes, it takes courage. Courage builds confidence. Confidence builds courage.
‘Deserving’ is about letting yourself ‘have’; it is about feeling worthy; it is about viscerally embracing ‘I AM enough’, so that others can discover that, too. Ultimately, it is your choice; the power of personal permission… OR as a colleague of mine likes to say, ’the power of giving zero fucks’, LOL!
Bottom line: Will you rightfully give yourself permission to BE (start), do (change), have (stop), all that is most important to you about being alive, no matter how your external world is unfolding? Consider that ‘being broke all the time’ has been a state of mind, a state of being - out of your conscious awareness. You might not have thought of it as such. So, is that what you really want? Is that what you’d choose for yourself, moving forward? Something to think about. It is not about good, bad, right, or wrong thinking; rather the question that comes to mind is this: ‘How is this working for me?’ AND, another that comes to mind is this: ‘How has this assumption generalized to other areas of my life, so that how I do this IS actually how I do everthing?’
Truth is, I may not have any answers AND I know that things can’t not change, when I so choose. The first choice, every . single . time . is to take a breath and exhale. That IS the pause that refreshes…
If this post resonates with you in any way, please connect with me for a complimentary discovery call to clarify what might be unconsciously important to you, yet is not yet being satisfied. I invite you to read more about my upcoming programs and experiences here
Thank you for reading.
Sheila