Firing my Fire

July 11, 2022 by Sheila Winter Wallace

Recently, I discovered that while I was speaking to anger/rage in terms that were OK for others to understand for themselves, I had great difficulty, in/for myself, to access its essential elemental signal of FIRE in my own body. So deep was the conditioning to not go there for fear of having to experience that intensity rise up in others, I got enormously proficient at avoiding, defending and denying it by holding my breath to stave away any and all perception of danger. With that, I could feel safe (temporarily at best) from any possibility of having to feel shunned and left behind, adding yet another layer of humiliation and shame to an ever increasing mountain of unconscious (likely mysterious to others) behaviours yielding unwanted results in my life.

What is the intelligence of being broke all the time?

June 20, 2022 by Sheila Winter Wallace

As I have shared, here, before, sometimes my email responses find themselves re-intended as a blog posting so that others may have the benefit of perspectives which may not have occurred as a possibility, yet hold deep resonance in the reading of them.

The title above, is the question which surfaced twice in an email to me this morning. It is useful to consider, that even the things we consider as unintelligent still carry the genius of purpose… to keep us feeling safe inside, where we live. So, I believe that the title question above will resonate with many; as such, here is my response to the email, sans reference to the writer:

The Futility of Saviour Politics

June 13, 2022 by Sheila Winter Wallace

‘Saviour’ has been rumbling around in my awareness for sometime. I choose to live unequivocally and intentionally for evolution of Self for it’s own sake; my chosen way of living is not a side hobby to peruse at my leisure, separate from living in the delusional world that is external to me. Everything is a metaphor for everything else, in my life.

Owning ALL of it

March 30, 2022 by Sheila Winter Wallace

Strategies. I have gotten pretty good at refining ways to isolate myself, telling myself the story that I am busy to justify the mysterious behaviours of not wanting to be seen in order to feel safe, yet still wanting to stand in my own truth, witnessed and validated as the force of creation that I AM. Both truths duking it out , seeking compliance from the other. An on-going battle. This is yet another discovery of a powerful polarization now revealed that unconsciously has played out for most of my life. Another double bind made conscious.

I know the trigger for what I identify as wounding, so shields up is a familiar go-to. And that means isolate and hide; there are so many ways to run that strategy and tell myself that I am not. When it comes to behaviour and outcomes, rationalization through reason becomes a familiar and well worn cloak of avoidance, so I won’t have to let myself know. Way down inside, I hear some critic shouting, ‘No way! Do not let your guard down to feel that vulnerable again. You should know better, don’t ya know! NOT safe!’ How many times do I have to tell you?! So, the desire to BE and feel seen continues to go unfulfilled… and, yet, honouring that truth as a need is essential to feeling whole, unique and essential to my world.

Spring is in the Air!

March 02, 2022 by Sheila Winter Wallace

Regardless of how cold it is out there and how much snow is still showing up where I live, I notice that the change in the angle of the sun shining is evidence that Spring is on its way. My last name is Winter, so you could think that I’d love the season. It is not that I don’t, it is just that there is so much ‘right’ with spring; with subtle warming, the beginning of longer days and the return of birds that have spent the bulk of the winter deep in the bush. I’ve got to admit, LOL, I have had some days when I wished I could join the Blue Jays away from the ever increasing noise of media and human complaint. Those Jays may be noisy at times, however they arrive with such beauty and solace of being. Their sound is organic. All of that, I think, is what most people are looking for.